Rant

I have not been following the oil spill mess very closely. Mainly because every time I hear about it I get angry. The political bantering back and forth is stupid. I don't care who cleans it up, I don't care who's to blame. I just want it fixed.

Now whale sharks are making their yearly migration from the Yucatan to the Mississippi Delta and are going right through the mess. These guys are highly endangered and this stupid oils spill is going to kill off even more of them. How many other endangered species are being threatened because of this mess. We don't know. Whale sharks don't float, so we will not know how many of them die. How many other critters have died and sunk.

Get it fixed already!

Today I offended some friend by saying that suicide was selfish. A couple people in the chat room had survived attempts at suicide and I guess I hit a nerve. I don't talk about my own depression much, but if saying that suicide is selfish keeps me alive, then I don't care what you think of my selfish, self serving belief. I'm going to continue thinking that it is selfish. If I tell myself now how selfish it is, then when I'm in my darkest moments, I will likely remember that.

My father did commit suicide. I will never forget the pain from that. I've lived with it for 20 years and still struggle to keep my life together afterwards. I have first hand experience about how painful it can be to survive after someone has taken their own life. That memory has pushed me through my deepest depressions. I have forgiven him. It took me a long time, but I finally did. I still think he was selfish.

I realize that my depression is not as severe as many out there. I'm able to function, un-medicated. Diet and exercise has kept mine under control. Many people out there have far darker times that I've ever seen. I pray I never experience depression that deep. Many people out there have survived more traumatic deaths than I witnessed. I pray that they all have some straw they can grasp that will keep them grounded and alive.

There is nothing wrong with selfishness. It is human. We are all selfish. We do very little in life that does not have some selfish motive behind it. We go to work because we want money to buy everything we need. If you picked a job that makes less than another because it helps others, that too is selfish. I did that because it makes me feel good to help others. I donate because it makes me feel good to help others. I help others because it makes me feel good, and I know that if I help others I know people are more likely to help me when I need it. I'd have trouble finding something anything that a person does that does not have some selfish motive.

I feel bad that I offended them, but I don't care. Suicide needs to be talked about. We need to have the talks with open minds. Letting others have their beliefs while keeping our own. I'm not giving up mine. It has kept me alive. I don't expect anyone else to give up their beliefs, especially if they keep them alive.

If someone feels that their own selfish reasons for taking their own life is more important than their friends and families selfish reasons for wanting them around, that is their decision. It is not mine. But I do have selfish reasons for wanting to keep you from doing it and I will do everything in my power to keep you from killing yourself. If you do it, despite my efforts to stop you, I will be much quicker to forgive than I was with my father.