Personal

Personal information about Jason

Running on half steam

I've not written in a while. As I've said before, I'm a teacher and that takes first priority. I feel bad that I've not put any energy into the blog, but I'm running low on steam. It takes a lot of energy to put into my class. I also have been working on a freelance web development gig. I don't normally do web development anymore, but I needed the money and they needed the help. Unfortunately that also took a lot of energy (more than I expected).

Anyway, if you are running low on steam, like me, just remember that God is there with you, helping you through it. He will be your light. He will lead you. Let Him be your guide and you will be on your way in no time. I say this as much as a reminder to me as anything. I forget sometimes to let Him lead the way. I want to lead myself. I can do it. I know I can.... I may be able to do it, but He can do it better.

Have a good day, and God bless.


Selfishly Offending Others

Today I offended some friend by saying that suicide was selfish. A couple people in the chat room had survived attempts at suicide and I guess I hit a nerve. I don't talk about my own depression much, but if saying that suicide is selfish keeps me alive, then I don't care what you think of my selfish, self serving belief. I'm going to continue thinking that it is selfish. If I tell myself now how selfish it is, then when I'm in my darkest moments, I will likely remember that.

My father did commit suicide. I will never forget the pain from that. I've lived with it for 20 years and still struggle to keep my life together afterwards. I have first hand experience about how painful it can be to survive after someone has taken their own life. That memory has pushed me through my deepest depressions. I have forgiven him. It took me a long time, but I finally did. I still think he was selfish.

I realize that my depression is not as severe as many out there. I'm able to function, un-medicated. Diet and exercise has kept mine under control. Many people out there have far darker times that I've ever seen. I pray I never experience depression that deep. Many people out there have survived more traumatic deaths than I witnessed. I pray that they all have some straw they can grasp that will keep them grounded and alive.

There is nothing wrong with selfishness. It is human. We are all selfish. We do very little in life that does not have some selfish motive behind it. We go to work because we want money to buy everything we need. If you picked a job that makes less than another because it helps others, that too is selfish. I did that because it makes me feel good to help others. I donate because it makes me feel good to help others. I help others because it makes me feel good, and I know that if I help others I know people are more likely to help me when I need it. I'd have trouble finding something anything that a person does that does not have some selfish motive.

I feel bad that I offended them, but I don't care. Suicide needs to be talked about. We need to have the talks with open minds. Letting others have their beliefs while keeping our own. I'm not giving up mine. It has kept me alive. I don't expect anyone else to give up their beliefs, especially if they keep them alive.

If someone feels that their own selfish reasons for taking their own life is more important than their friends and families selfish reasons for wanting them around, that is their decision. It is not mine. But I do have selfish reasons for wanting to keep you from doing it and I will do everything in my power to keep you from killing yourself. If you do it, despite my efforts to stop you, I will be much quicker to forgive than I was with my father.


Flu Shots

Today we took Emma in to get her second flu shot. Kids need to have two of them, first one, then 28 days later, a second. We she went in for her first, the were not offering the shots to adults. I was happy about that. I've never had a flu shot, and didn't feel like starting now....

Well, when we went back they offered them to us as well. I looked over at Emma, and while thinking "I don't want to do this" I told the receptionist "yes". It just would not have been fair to make Emma get the shot, as much as she did not want to do it and as good as she was being about having to get it and then say "no, I don't have to do it".

I only cried a little. :D


Not blogging

For various personal and economic reasons I am not blogging. I have to concentrate my energy elsewhere. I will be keeping the site up but more content will not be coming anytime soon. When I am able to concentrate some energy on my sites again it will most likely be in the creation of tools more than blogging as I can get my writing energies out in ways that actually make me money.

I'd like to thank everyone who has read or will read my blog articles for being great readers. Thanks and God bless!


Happy Birthday Tired Garden

Tired Garden is a year old today! It has been a glorious year. The site has grown a lot and has made some changes. I hope it will continue to grow and that we can build the site up more. I've enjoyed my time spent talking with my readers and talking with other bloggers who do not read my blog much. It has been a great time!

In the year to come I am sure we will see even more changes. The site will, I hope, continue to grow and mature. I hope that my readership will increase and that you all will tell me what you want to see from me and I will be able to provide it. I pray for a fruitful year for all of us.

Actually, Tired Garden, the site, is older than a year old. March, 22 2007, so it is really nearly two years old. The site went through a major revision and rebirth from a crappy static site that was just about tired gardening to the more dynamic blog you see today. I lost the articles from that original site, so I count the beginning of the site to be when this version of the site began. Perhaps I will be able to dig up those old articles at some point and repost them. I had a couple of good tire gardening articles up there.

Anyway, if you want to wish me a happy birthday, chocolate or cash are both accepted :D. Thanks for the great year and I look forward to another.


Happy New Year

Just a quick post to say "HAPPY NEW YEAR". I pray yours is wonderful and blessed.

Lord, please bless all those that are reading this post and all those who have ever read any of my posts. May they have joy in their lives and feel love forever, amen.


Tired and Out of Shape

I'm not in great shape. I'm about the right weight, but I have very little muscle mass. With my arthritis, I should exercise daily, get some muscle mass, especially in my trunk. I do want to be able to dance at Emma's wedding.

The problem is that exercise is often boring. You can spend a lot of money on equipment that you might use as a clothes drying rack. There are also many videos out there, like the XFLOWSION series.

The nice thing about exercise videos is that you have a little excitement, if they are interesting videos. But after watching the same exercise video 20 times, is it still going to be interesting to you?

With the XFLOWSION series, you get several videos, which would be nice, but they cost $59.85. That is still a lot of money to be spending on something you may let sit on your shelf and collect dust. If you think you will use it, it would probably be worth it. I've not watched it, but from the short bits of it I have seen, it looks more fun that a lot of exercise videos I've seen. It seems like he has you doing multiple things, instead of the same type of thing every time. My library doesn't have it, so I can't try it out.

I think that the best exercise is one that you will enjoy. If you don't enjoy it, you will not continue doing it. If you really like riding your bike, ride it. If you like gardening, that is good exercise. If you like jumping rope, jump away. There are lots of good exercises that can be a lot of fun for everyone. I like gardening, but I don't think that I get enough out of it. I think I need more. What works for you?

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Memories of Paintball

When I was a teen I used to play paintball every few weekends. Paintball is a lot of fun, a group of us would all cram our paintball gear into my car, don our battle dress uniforms and drive out to some forest land where a guy, we called sarge ran a paintball site. I'd grab my paintball gun, buy a box of paintballs, load up my rifle and sidearm, and two pouches of extra paintball ammunition. I'd pull my mask down over my face and I'd run out and shoot people, and get shot myself.

I no longer remember if I used a spyder paintball gun, or a tippman, or some other brand. The paintball weapon to me, is unimportant, what mattered was getting out with friend, enjoying the woods, and of course, shooting people. It was a blast and I highly recommend trying it.

If you are going to do paintball, I recommend getting a few basics to protect yourself. You have to have a mask. They make masks specific for paintball. Anyone who does paintball without eye protection is asking to be blinded, but I recommend more than eye protection. There are a few other sensitive places on your head. Getting a paintball in the ear, nose, temple or mouth is not pleasant. I used a mask that covered all of these and I still got hit in the face once (a shot came from underneath me, hit me in the chin.) It stung a little.

If you bruise easily, you might want to wear two layers of clothes, and this is a good idea until you know what it feels like to get hit by a paintball. You don't want to be always on guard, expecting to get hurt by a paintball shot. The extra layer gives you some padding, then you can learn what it feels like and as you play, you may find you don't need the extra layer.

The paintball gun you choose is less important. A paintball gun can range from junk to really good. If you are playing just once or twice, the paintball gun you choose will depend on what is available for rent. If you buy your own paintball gun, but the best you can afford and you will have a better paintball experience.

Where you play paintball determines what you wear. If you paintball in the woods, like I did, then you want camouflage. If you don't have camouflage clothing, either head to your local Army surplus, ear wear comfortable black pants and a dark shirt. If you paintball in an indoor park, then dark clothes are best as indoor paintball parks are often dim. Check out the venue before deciding on the proper attire.

God's Music: Portland Cityfest

This weekend, Louis Palau was in town and when he comes to town, he knows how to throw a party! He invited Veggie Tales and had several puppet shows and blow up toys (bounce houses, slides, etc) for the kids. Live music from big name bands like Mercy Me, TobyMac, Kutless, Chris Tomlin and more. And it was all free!

Well, that part was free. They also had food and you could buy merchandise from the musicians and the many of the sponsors had stuff for sale. But the main events were free. It was a lot of fun. I like free and I love to see Emma having a good time. She did. She was singing along with Mercy Me and during at least one of the prayers (this is an evangelical event) she was praying along. My little 2 1/2 year old singing praise and giving praise. It was so wonderful to see.

I'd like to say a thanks to Him for sending me such a lovely daughter. She is a joy and a wonder. She makes me smile every day and I am sure will do wonderful things for His Glory. He is great, yet he loves me enough to send this beautiful joy to keep us entertained. Yes, I'm a sap. I love Jesus and I love Emma. I'm a lucky man.


Beach Blog

Gramma volunteered to watch Emma overnight, so we took the oportunity to head to the beach. I'm writing this from the our hotel room at Hallmark Resort in Cannon Beach Oregon. We arrived last night, went down to the beach to let Marley run and then went out to dinner.

The room is small, but nice. It is great that they allow pets. Marley loves to sit at the window and watch the gulls. He seems to think he should be running out there all day, chasing them. When we first got here, we let him off leash and he ran around in the sand for a while. In a moment, we looked down at the water, gulls scattering, water splashing, up to his shoulders in cold salt water. His eyes glowed, tail wagged, he bounced with every step.

Dinner was at a restaurant called Doogers. It was good. We shared the Admirals Platter and got it sauteed. Was very delicate and tasty. The Chocolate Fudge Cake was yummy as well. Back to the beach for more flouncing in the water. Marley needs his excersize, and we hoped, in vain, for him to be worn out enough to sleep through the night.

Well, it is almost 10:30, and we need to be at the massage place for Elizabeth's suprise aniversary present. I did not tell her about that part of the trip, but I'm sure she will like it. I'll upload some pictures from today later. I got a couple of good pictures of ocean life.


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